Not Another HP Fanfic!
by writrfreak15
Summary: There's a little moral to this story: CANNON SUCKS! Oneshot. Read and review!


**Not Another HP Fanfic!**

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**AN:** I just thought it up. Just a lil' one-shot The reason I'm putting it in H\Hr slot because it bashes the cannons where it hurts so…yeah! Take that cannons! **Beware, Ginnylovers!** And no slash.

**Summary: "**It's like chicken soup for the H\Hr soul**."** The author remarks. This ismy view of the couples of the Harry Potter Series. Read\review!

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_**H\G**_

_Enter Ginny. She has her head up high and she comes down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, dramatically. Every boy's head turns when she does her grand_

_entrance. Hermione is in the couch, reading _Hogwarts, A History. _When she realizes the silence in the room, she looks up and sees all of the boys drooling over a proud Ginny. Hermione rolls her eyes at them._

_The boys watch Ginny's every movement and their eyes still linger on the portrait door where she exited from. Hermione groans at their obsession _

Hermione: (_shouts) _She's taken, you idiots!Remember Harry Potter, boy-who-lived? Yeah, well, that's his girlfriend!

_They pay no attention to Hermione but keep on drooling._

Hermione: I don't even know what you guys see in her! She's not all that pretty! She has those ugly freckles and that nasty red hair!

Seamus: But, her hair is so nice and shiny and those freckles are so gosh darn cute!

Hermione: But…but…she broke up with you! You're supposed to say nasty things about her! _(looks over at Neville. He's making a puddle with his drooling)_ Neville! You're making a mess! Neville!

Seamus: I know she broke up with me. But I want her back! Waaaah!

Hermione: Oh, suck it up, Seamus! Neville! Oh, for Heaven's sake! _(takes out the 'When Ginny Comes Into a Room of Boys: The Drooling Bucket' She puts it under Neville's mouth)_

………………………..

_Ginny walks over to where Harry is. He's studying for Potions (and you don't see that everyday) under a tree. She clears her throat and Harry looks up at her and beams._

Harry: My angel! You're here! I'd do anything for you, my sweet! I'd die a thousand deaths for you! Sail the seven seas for you! I'll…

Ginny: (_yawns) _Yeah, yeah, Been there, heard that. Now, I gave you some options on how to be even more famous than you already are. Did you choose yet?

Harry: Yeah, I don't think I want to be a Quidditch player…

Ginny: But think about the fame!

Harry: No, I just want to spend time with you!

Ginny: I don't want to spend time with you! I want to be rich and famous! Duh! And I did not spend six years pining for you and then desperately gave you that love potion so that you could love me so fast for you to prevent me from being famous!

Harry: What?

Ginny: _(face red with guilt)_ Uh…I mean…you are going to be a Quidditch player or else I won't be your girlfriend anymore!  
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

_**R\HR**_

_Its lunchtime. Hermione comes inside the Great Hall with her head, as usual, stuck in a book. She sits down beside Ron, her boyfriend. Ron is stuffing his face with food and using his hands to eat it. The sauce from the spaghetti and meatballs (they're trying something new) is dripping all over his shirt. Girls turn away from the awful sight and Ginny wants to gag. Only Hermione gazes at him in a daze._

Hermione: _(thinking)_ Oh, he looks so cute when he eats like a pig! _(okay, no more thinking)_ Ron, I love that you are my boyfriend. _(she gives him a kiss on his messy cheek)_

Ginny: How can you stand him, Hermione! I hate that he's so disgusting. _(Hermione ignored him but continues to drool over Ron)_ Hermione!

Harry: She's gone, now.

Ginny: Eww! Now she's making a mess with her drooling. Harry fetch the drooling bucket for Hermione!

Harry: Anything for you, my pet, my queen…

Ginny: Shut up and just get it!

_Harry comes back with a bucket marked 'When Ron Acts Like a Pig: Hermione's Drooling Bucket'_ _He puts it under Hermione's mouth._

_Suddenly, Ron chokes on a meatball. Hermione snaps out of her stupor and tries to save her boyfriend using the Heimlich Maneuver. The meatball comes out…along the rest of his food! Where's the food, you ask. _

_On Ginny's shirt! Haha…(cough, couch) I mean, uh, that's too bad!_

Ginny: _(jumps out of her chair and screams a bloodcurdling scream) _You…you…annoying…good for nothing son-of-a-bitch! _(screams a second time, causing the windows to break)_

_Filch comes in with the 'When Ginny has a Blonde Freak-out' repair kit._

Harry: Do you want me to clean it up with my hair again Ginny? Like last time?

Ginny: _(her eyes red with anger) _What have you got to say, Ron? And it better be an apology!

Ron: _(laughs) _I'm stupid, I'm stupid! I'm thickheaded and stupid!

Harry: You know that's all he can say, Ginny. He's an idiot.

Hermione: I know it's strange but I find it so very cute when he says that! Come here, you big lug of an airhead! _(lounges at him and kisses him causing them to tumble on the floor)_ I love you, Won Won!

Lavender: Hey, bitch! That's _my_ nickname for him. Not yours!

Hermione: Try to take it back, slut!

Lavender: _(makes tiger roars and lounges at Hermione. They're rolling around on the floor, fighting each other. Pulling on each other's hair, biting each other, etc.) _Yeah…you're going to get it now! You stole my boyfriend from me!

Hermione: He liked me first!

Lavender: No! He liked me first.

Harry: STOP IT! _(they stop in the middle of the fight and look at Harry) _Now, Ron, which one did you like first?

_Lavender and Hermione stood up and everyone looked on Ron intently. _

Ron: _(laughs) _I'm an idiot! I'm a jackass!

Lavender: _(rolls eyes)_ You're right. You are an idiot. You can have him.

_She walks back to the table and everyone continues to eat._

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**_D\Hr _**

_Hermione is walking to class alone. Draco is walking to class alone. He spots Hermione walking on the same corridor. He smirks._

Draco: Hey, mudblood! Let's have another go at each other. How 'bout it?

Hermione: _(smiles like a little girl with her lollipop)_ Okay! Read, set,

Draco: Go! I hate you!

Hermione: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

Hermione: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

Hermione: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

_(they're nearing a closet)_

Hermione: I hate you!

Draco: _(opens the closet) _I hate you!

Hermione: I hate you!

Draco: _(pushes Hermione inside. He comes inside and closes the door) _I hate you more!

Hermione: I hate you more, more!

_He kisses her._

Draco: I still hate you.

Hermione: I still hate you too!

_She kisses him back._

Draco: well, that was fun!

Hermione: Yeah, let's do it again sometime!

Draco: Okay. Hate you!

Hermione: Hate you too!

_They both walk away._

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**_D\G _**(AN: Not much difference from D\H)

_Ginny is walking to class alone. Draco is walking to class alone. He spots Hermione walking on the same corridor. He smirks._

Draco: Hey, Weaslette! Let's have another go at each other. How 'bout it?

Ginny: _(smiles like a little girl with her lollipop)_ Okay! Read, set,

Draco: Go! I hate you!

Ginny: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

Ginny: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

Ginny: I hate you!

Draco: I hate you!

_(they're nearing a closet)_

Ginny: I hate you!

Draco: _(opens the closet) _I hate you!

Ginny: I hate you!

Draco: _(pushes Ginny inside. He comes inside and closes the door) _You're such a bitch!

Ginny: And you're a man-whore!

_He kisses her._

Draco: I still hate you.

Ginny: I still hate you too!

_She kisses him back._

Draco: well, that was fun!

Ginny: Yeah, let's do it again sometime!

Draco: Okay. Hate you!

Ginny: Hate you too!

_They both walk away._

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**_R\Lu _**(AN: I love this pairing, I really do!)

_Ron is walking down the corridor telling himself that he's an idiot when he hears someone else saying the same thing. He stops walking and the voice comes closer. A girl with dirty blonde her and shiny blue eyes comes around the corner._

_It's Luna!_

Ron: Luna!

Luna: Ron!

_Dramatic, slow-motion run to each other. But they don't see that they're about to collide into each other…_

Ron: Ouch! _(he falls back)_

Luna: Ouch! _(she falls back)_

_They look up at each other and smile._

Ron: I love you.

Luna: I love you.

_They stand up and hug each other. _

Luna: Ron! _(she looks surprised)_ You said my name and you said you loved me!

Ron: Well, Luna. Only when I'm with you do I actually talk sense!

Luna: Oh, Ronniekins! You're _so sweet!_ (_she kisses him)_.

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**_H\Hr_ **(AN: Always saving the best for last!)

_Hermione walks inside the common room later that night with her head in a book, as usual. She sees Harry at the couch looking into the fire. He turns to look at her and smiles. She smiles back and sits down beside him._

Harry: Hey, Hermione, can I ask you a question?

Hermione: Sure, Harry, what is it?

Harry: When did I start liking Ginny?

Hermione: In sixth year.

Harry: Why?

Hermione: _(shrugs shoulders) _I don't know. You just started loving her overnight…hey, wait a minute! Nobody can love someone overnight! _(light bulb over her head flicks on) _Harry, I think she has you under some love potion and might be putting it in your drinks. That's why she always sat beside you since sixth year!

Harry: _(shakes his head) _I always thought the fact that I woke up one morning and proclaimed that I love Ginny was a bit odd.

Hermione: That bitch! She's so desperate because you never gave her a fleeting chance in hell! Here, drink this. _(gives him a vial pf purple liquid) _It's the antidote.

_Harry drinks it and clutches his head._

Harry: Oww. Hermione, what did you put in there?

Hermione: Good, you're feeling the pain. That's a sure sign that it's working on your brain. Ron broke up with me today.

Harry: You don't sound unhappy.

Hermione: Because I'm not. He and Luna belong together. But I just don't belong to anyone. I tried Draco but the creep's interested in Ginny…

Harry: DRACO! DRACO!

Hermione: _(rolls eyes) _Calm down, Harry. Anyway, I'll never get married and I'll never have kids. Might as well be a spinster. I'll be the first spinster under forty.

Harry: You won't be a spinster. You'll get married and have kids. A lot of guys I know find you hot….I find you hot.

Hermione: Really?

Harry: Really.

Hermione: (_beaming)_ Thank you, Harry!

_She's about to kiss his check but he shifts so that she kisses him straight on the lips. She immediately pulls away, surprised. _

Harry: I'm sorry.

Hermione: No! Don't be. _(she kisses him again)_

Harry: _(smiling)_ I think this is the start of a beautiful, intimate relationship.

_They both laugh._

_**THE…**_

Ginny: Wait a minute! Why is Harry kissing Hermione! Eww! He's _my_ boyfriend! He's supposed to be kissing me! I'm going to stop this!

Narrator: You can't. He knows about the love potion, Ginny.

Ginny: But I'm still his girlfriend.

Narrator: He's gonna dump you, Ginny. Duh!

Ginny: But…but…

Narrator: Look, Ginny, get over it and SUCK ASS! HAHAHAHA!

Ginny: NO! _(runs into the bathroom to cry)_

Narrator: Right. Where was I? Oh, yeah!

_**THE END!**_

xxx

**AN: **Okay, that was my first one-shot. Tell me what you think!


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